3, 2, 1 LIST OFF: Ranking the NFL’s Quarterbacks

There’s been a lot of chatter on this subject recently, because of the Andy Dalton contract, and as it relates to the Chiefs, the most important question of this season: What is Alex Smith’s standing within the NFL’s most distinguished fraternity?

So I figured ranking the league’s QB’s made perfect sense for this week’s 3, 2, 1: List Off. Yanno, get it out there before all the fun begins, so it’ll be easy to ridicule and laugh at me throughout the season.NFL-Quarterbacks-as-Drag-Queens

List clarifications: Salary and age do not play a factor in this list. It’s based purely on who I’d want to QB a team made from scratch for this season. I used each team’s projected starting QB for the list. They are broken down into asymmetrical, appropriately named tiers.

Week Negative Three: NFL Quarterbacks

*The Warren Moon Tier*

1. Peyton Manning – The greatest (regular season) QB in NFL history

2. Drew Brees – Always mentioned, but his place with the greats is understated (400 yards away from 4th all time in passing)

3. Aaron Rodgers – I have the feeling people will freak out about me calling Rodgers the 3rd best QB in the world

4. Tom Brady – Was more Andrew Luck (great when it matters) than Peyton (great all the time [regular season]) last year

*The Mark Brunell Tier*

5. Russell Wilson – Might answer questions about carrying the offensive workload if Marshawn’s play declines this year, but I believe the kid is magic

6. Andrew Luck – Might be my first choice if asked who I’d choose to lead a game winning 2 minute drive

7. Phillip Rivers – The big question is: Can he repeat his success without Ken Whisenhunt?

8. Ben Roethlisberger – Surprisingly only 32 years old, but how old is his body?

9. Colin Kaepernick – People seem to think he’s overrated but I can’t figure out why, has dominated multiple playoff games

10. Tony Romo – What? I have to have a strong opinion on Tony Romo?

*The Jeff Blake Tier*

11. Matt Ryan – Downgraded because he might have the least amount of personality possible for a human being

12. Nick Foles – The most intriguing QB of 2014, if he comes close to repeating 2013 then he joins upper tier

13. Cam Newton – Set up to fail this season, equipped with terrible WR’s and OT’s, I wouldn’t pay him top dollar

14. Joe Flacco – I wouldn’t do anything but hookers and blow for a whole year either if I had just won the Super Bowl

15. Jay Cutler – Most inconsistent QB in the league, could conceivably get hot a la Flacco, or poop the bed a la Caleb Hanie

16. Alex Smith – With Andy Reid he’s 2 spots higher, without him he’s 4 spots lower

17. Eli Manning – Not a fan of the G-Men’s new offensive strategy focusing on short passes, biggest strength is his deep ball

18. Matt Stafford – The most overrated QB in the game due to fantasy, draft position and Calvin Johnson

*The Jake Delhomme Tier*

19. Robert Griffin III – Huge season ahead that could range anywhere from fantastic to awful, I’m clueless

20. Andy Dalton – Bengals are as good as any team in the league 2-53, too bad the Red Rocket goes limp in the playoffs

21. Ryan Tannehill – Andy Dalton without the talent around him

*The Neil O’Donnell Tier*

22. Josh McCown – Has a bit of Rich Gannon potential, still can’t believe TB replaced The Albinosaur, Mike Glennon

23. Johnny Football – I can’t watch his preseason games, just can’t do it, feeling too good about football starting, don’t wanna another bout of Johnny Depression

24. Carson Palmer – Almost put him higher because of Arizona’s success last year, but he threw 20 INT’s, it was all their defense

*The Jay Fiedler Tier*

25. Sam Bradford – Just biding time before my boy, Shaun Hill, leads the Rams to the promised land this year

26. EJ Manuel – If he can get it together, the Bills are flushed with talent around him

27. Matt Cassel – Not as terrible as Chiefs fans would like to remember, once had a season statistically better than Alex Smith’s 2013

28. Matt Schaub – Recently passed by Cincinnati’s Matt Scott as the 11th best QB in the world named Matt

*The Quincy Carter Tier*

29. Ryan Fitzpatrick – As much as I want to like the Harvard man, he’s never won more than 6 games in a season

30. Jake Locker – Believe it or not, has exceeded my expectations for him coming out of college

31. Geno Smith – I have nothing to say about Geno, I’ve already thought about him way too much for one lifetime

32. Blake Bortles – Still have no idea how he was drafted ahead of Football/Bridgewater


That’s it, that’s the list. Think I’m a dummy? Tell me why on Twitter (@HisDirkness).

And remember, it’s always better to be list off, then to be list on.

I’m His Dirkness

One thought on “3, 2, 1 LIST OFF: Ranking the NFL’s Quarterbacks

  1. Now way in you know what, is Peyton Manning ahead of Tom Brady. When he win’s in the post season, let’s talk. How many Super Bowl’s and div. title’s does Brady hold, now let talk about Peyton, enough said.

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