3, 2, 1 LIST OFF: Ranking the Chiefs’ 53 Man Roster

Here is my attempt at ranking all 53 players on the Kansas City Chiefs roster in order.

This is somewhat of a silly practice, one that brings up such ridiculous scenarios as comparing a talented, but inconsistent WR in Donnie Avery with the best French long snapper in franchise history: Jean-Philipe Darche. Oh, what? He’s gone? Great, now I gotta start all over.

Nevertheless, I enjoy the frivolousness nature of a good, solid list. Almost to the point where I’d consider myself a List Maker. Yep, ol’ List Makin’ Dirkness the schoolboys might say.

This is why I’m launching a new series here on AHPKC.com, where I’ll compile a list of whatever the hell’s on my brain every week, entitled “3, 2, 1: List Off.” And here is your inaugural installment…

Week Negative Five: The Chiefs 53 Man Roster

1. RB Jamaal Charles

2. DT Dontari Poe

3. OLB Justin Houston

4. ILB Derrick Johnson

5. OLB Tamba Hali

6. P Dustin Colquitt

7. S Eric Berry

8. WR Dwayne Bowe

I think people might say Berry is too low and Poe is too high (Poe, Houston, DJ all interchangeable to me). Jamaal’s in Charge. There’s a RB-in-his-30’s-sized drop off after Bowe. The #9 spot was absolutely the hardest pick to make of the 53.

9. DE Mike DeVito

10. QB Alex Smith

11. CB Sean Smith

12. RT Donald Stephenson

13. FB Anthony Sherman

14. CB Marcus Cooper

15. RB Knile Davis

16. WR Donnie Avery

17. DE Vance Walker

Most people will say Stephenson, Sean Smith and Avery (if not everybody in this group) are too high, but you have to put somebody in those spots. Who? I feel like that might be where the talent on this team is lacking: those B-grade type players that really fill out the depth chart. Who are they?

Also, people are probably just as confused as I am about where Alex Smith landed. He’s the hardest player on the board to rank because the book on him is thicker than Eric Kush’s bicep. I believe in Marcus Cooper.

18. FS Husain Abdullah

19. LG Jeff Allen

20. OLB Dee Ford

21. LT Eric Fisher

22. C Rodney Hudson

23. DE Mike Catapano

24. TE Anthony Fasano

25. CB Ron Parker

26. RB DeAnthony Thomas

“Ok,hold up,” you might be thinking: “Fisher’s too low, Fasano’s too low, Catapano’s too high.” But hey, I’ve got high hopes for El Sack-a-pano. Real high. So high that I’m now cotton mouthed. Wait, where was I?

27. TE Travis Kelce

28. ILB James Michael Johnson

29. QB Chase Daniel

30. BEARD Sean McGrath (gone, but not forgotten)

31. CB Chris Owens

32. DE Allen Bailey

33. ILB Joe Mays

34. K Cairo Santos

35. OT J’Marcus Webb

What? Cairo over Succop? Whoaaa-daddy-oh! I’m a big JMJ guy. I have a nickname saved up for him that’ll bring board games to life. Webb is younger than you’d think (25). Allen Bailey sucks (READ: Stout on Bailey).

36. LS Thomas Gafford

37. C Eric Kush

38. WR AJ Jenkins

39. OL Jeff Linkenbach

40. OLB Frank Zombo

41. WR Junior Hemingway

42. G Rishaw Johnson

43. S Sanders Commings

44. DE Jaye Howard

Those guys ↑↑↑ over these guys ↓↓↓ because they played well against San Diego in last season’s finale.

45. WR Weston Dressler

46. OL L.a.r.r.y.

47. CB Philip Gaines

48. TE Demetrius Harris

49. ILB Nico Johnson

50. QB Aaron Murray

51. G Zach Fulton

52. S Daniel Sorensen

53. CB DeMarcus Van Dyke

54. S Jerron McMillian

And Tyler Bray still had a better career than Brodie Croyle!

Note: I listed 54 because of Sean McGrath’s retirement and because I refuse to let go.

Now, I know what you’re thinking right now. “This guy is an IDIOT and I can’t wait to tell him so.” Before you get all hot and bothered, just remember the intents and purposes of a list: It’s a conversation starter. It’s all trivial. No two persons’ lists are the same, and nor should they be. It’s just like, my opinion, man.

So before you start fun-slinging your hatred at me via the Twitter (@HisDirkness), I just ask that you put down the Green Day and breathe a little. And then you can let me have it.

And remember kiddos, it’s always better to be list off, than to be list on.

I’m His Dirkness


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